nothing lasts forever.

2009-04-01T11:29:00.003+08:00

hello friends!
to everyone who's been wondering
WHY i havent been blogging in quite a while
its cause i've moved to lj

http://deathkisses-89.livejournal.com/

most of my entries will be locked from now on

<3

2009-03-07T14:15:00.001+08:00

its so tiring to have to be brave all the time

If my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

2009-03-06T12:45:00.002+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2nTSU-mFWGs

WATCH THE VIDEO
i absolutely LOVE this vid

I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show
Dum de dum
Dudum de dum
^_^

2009-03-06T12:00:00.002+08:00

"For i know the plans i have for you,
declares the Lord,
plans to prosper you and not harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future "

-jer 29:11

sam always makes me cry cause she always
knows exactly what to say and
when i need to hear it
yest reading was kind of similar to this
about how god knows what his children need
and how he will alway provide what is
NECESSARY
sometimes what is necessary is
not necessarily what we want
and sometimes the things we want
arent necessary either
but whatever it is
He'll never abandon us

i hate the waiting
YES i'm scared
but i'm not freaking out
somehow i know
no matter what happens
i'll come out of all of this okay
only cause of Him

2009-03-05T23:32:00.002+08:00

i'm very thankful for my friends
i'm glad i wasnt alone today
thank you adel
thank you edwin
MUCH thanks to edwin

i know i'll be okay
i got the nicest people to pull me thro

fingers crossed for tomorrow
pray for me please
i'm not going to worry about it
its all up to Him now
whatever the outcome
i know that He has a plan for me
so i'm not going to worry

2009-03-04T22:47:00.002+08:00

WOO
survived my first 3 days of working double jobs!
TIRING
but i think its worth it
just think of all the KA-CHING KA-CHING
thats going to be coming in next month!
haha
OH YES
guess who bumped into on the way to my second job
EDWIN
hahah
I KEEP ON BUMPING INTO EDWIN
EVERYONE
i practically see him almost everyday now
haha
EDWIN
if you're reading this
I HOPE WE DONT START TO GET SICK OF SEEING EACH OTHER
hahaha
kidding kidding
i wont get sick of you
EVEN THOUGH
you take great joy in poking fun at me
and starting ridiculous nonsensical arguments with me
EVERYTIME I SEE YOU

on a totally unrelated note
i ALMOST caved in yest
i was feeling super depressed
i was THIS CLOSE to buying some booze
to just DRINK everything away
but i kept telling myself
no its LENT
you cannot do this you cannot do this
i ended up buying myself ICECREAM
well
its the lesser of the two evils right
still proud of myself
because i know that the OLD ME
would've caved in
but NOPE
not me ^_^

2009-03-03T20:37:00.002+08:00

PET WE'RE ON STOMP!
hahahah

2009-02-28T15:44:00.001+08:00

Paramore- For a Pessimist, Im Pretty Optimistic.mp3 - Paramore

Just talk yourself up...
And tear yourself down.
You've hit your one wall...
Now find a way around.
Well, what's the problem?
You've got a lot of nerve!

So what did you think I would say?
No, you can't run away, no you can't run away.
So what'd you think I would say?
No, you can't run away, No you can't run away.
You wouldn't.

I never wanted to say this...
You never wanted to stay.
I put my faith in you, so much faith,
And then you just threw it away.
You threw it away.

I'm not so naive.
My sorry eyes can see...
The way you fight shy,
Of almost everything.
Well, if you give up...
You'll get what you deserve.

So what did you think I would say?
No, you can't run away, No you can't run away.
So what did you think I would say?
No, you can't run away, No you can't run away
You wouldn't

I never wanted to say this...
You never wanted to stay.
I put my faith in you, so much faith,
And then you just threw it away.
You threw it away.

You were finished long before
We had even seen the start.
Why don't you stand up, be a man about it?
Fight with your bare hands about it now.

I never wanted to say this. (say this)
You never wanted to stay, well did you?
I put my faith in you, so much faith,
And then you just threw it away.

I never wanted to say this...
You never wanted to stay.
I put my faith in you, so much faith,
And then you just threw it away.

2009-02-27T21:16:00.003+08:00

in letting you go i'm loving myself

AND SO
he did
exactly what i knew he'd do
but this time
this time
i am not playing his game
i am tired of being tired of his tricks
i mean
i was angry at first
but today
today i'm HAPPY
i was really happy
things are finally starting to fall into place for me
finally making some sense of my life
i've got two jobs
i'm holding myself together well
i'm making time for god
things are getting good
i wont let you suck me back into that blackhole
and now i get to sing
NA NANANA NANA
CANT TOUCH THIS
(HAHA okay i know that was so unnecesary but
i just HAD to)
i know who i am
and what i'm supposed to do
and i have the big man up there to thank
for finally giving me the strength
and the courage
to do what i should've done a long time ago

OH YES
by the way
I WENT TO WATCH THE PINK PANTHER 2 YEST!
hahahah
it is FREAKING HILARIOUS
like seriously
i havent laughed that much in a LONG time
AS IT WAS i was laughing so much
there was this crazy guy a few seats away
which totally LOST it
he had the most HYSTERICAL laughter
even when the whole cinema had stopped laughing
everyone would start AGAIN cause the crazy guy
was still laughing!
hahahah
OKAY
friday has been a pretty awesome day
totally looking forward to tomorrow ^_^

2009-02-25T21:57:00.003+08:00

OKAY
its getting a bit worrying
my boss IS STILL MISSING
ian has come to the conclusion that he's DEAD
he told me to start and anarchy and clear out
my boss' office and take out his name plate
from the manager's door and replace it with mine
and make myself comfortable in his office
HAHAHA (that is just so ian right)
my mum thinks that he might have stolen
ALOT of money and run off with it!
HAHAHA (okay this is obviously not true
but HEY he left all of us hanging)
we ARE allowed to make guesses
BUT i guess
to make up for this
i have some good news
I GOT MY CNA JOB BACK
haha
so i guess i'll be working two jobs for awhile
i'm just super happy i have the CNA job again
THANK YOU GOD
this is JUST what i needed
this week is a GOOD week
very good

OKAY on a totally unrelated note
i know i generally dont blog about celebrity stuff
but
I SERIOUSLY CANNOT BELIEVE THAT CHRIS BROWN BEAT RIHANNA UP
okay i LOVED chris brown
but i absolutely ADORE rihanna
and
I CANT POSSIBLY support a guy
who smacks his woman around
i am sorry chris brown
you might be HELL cute and you might be one hell
of a dancer
but CHRIS BROWN I LOVE YOU NO MORE

2009-02-23T22:31:00.002+08:00

Gives You Hell - The All-American Rejects

I wake up every evening
With a big smile on my face
And it never feels out of place
And you´re still probably working
At a nine to five pace
I wonder how bad that taste

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell

Now where's you picket fence love
And where's that shiny car
And did it ever get you far
You never seemed so tense love
I´ve never seen you fall so hard
Do you know where you are
And the truth be told I miss you
And truth be told I´m lying

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell

If you find a man that´s worth a damn and treats you well
Then he's a fool you´re just as well
Hope it gives you hell

Tomorrow you´ll be thinking to yourself
Where'd it all go wrong?
But the list goes on and on

The truth be told I miss you
And truth be told I´m lying

When you see my face hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell

If you find a man that´s worth a damn and treats you well
Then he's a fool, you´re just as well
Hope it gives you hell

Now you´ll never see
What you´ve done to me
You can take back your memories
They're no good to me
And here's all your lies
You can look me in the eyes
With the sad, sad look
That you wear so well

When you hear this song and sing along
And never tell
Then you´re the fool
I´m just as well
Hope it gives you hell
When you hear this song
I hope that it will give you hell
You can sing along
I hope that it puts you through hell

2009-02-22T14:33:00.002+08:00

OKAY
time for me to blog about my first week
at my new job!
okay quite honestly i felt like the first two days of work
was PURE TORTURE
like REALLY
i just really wanted to quit and go back
to bumming around at home
BUT now that i've had time to adjust
i think my job isnt so bad after all
its been only ONE WEEK
and i think i've already become a little more thick skinned
which is like TOTALLY necessary for my job
and this job is teaching me PATIENCE
so yes.i think in a way this job is good for me
cause i think it'll have a positive impact on me
AND my colleagues and boss are really nice so thats a PLUS
oh yes
and after one week of work
i have come to the conclusion that
BOYS WILL ALWAYS BE BOYS
and they never grow up
haha
i think
some of the funniest phone calls i make
are the ones to the NS guys
haha they are SUPER HILARIOUS
but everyone is really nice and friendly
actually i think i'm really lucky
cause my job is kinda like a telemarketing job
just that i'm not SELLING anything
i'm recruiting people
but STILL i was gearing myself up for alot
of rude/nasty people
BUT i honestly havent come across any of them
sometimes they even CRACK JOKES with me over the phone
hahah
okay up till last week
i was still under the impression that singaporeans
were generally unfriendly
but after the first week of work
i HAVE to say
that there IS a possibility that there might be
more friendly singaporeans as opposed to the unfriendly ones
OH YES
ALSO
the guys are having a ball of a time poking fun at me
for being and ij/cj girl
YOU WOULD THINK THAT BY THIRTY FIVE
they would've outgrown school stereotypes
but NOOO
haha
OKAY ONE MORE THING
haha
they made me take a personality test at the interview
so when i was talking to my boss the other day
i asked him how i scored on my personality test
and he was like
"okay YOU
people like you need to be MANAGERS ^_^
haha (either that or that i need to go into sales)
whatever it is you do you need to be interacting with people"
anyway he said alot of other good stuff
and THEN he was like
"BUT your problem is that you're not a compliant person
I BET YOU
that when you were in cj
you ALWAYS go to school late
which means that you ALWAYS end up in detention
and your skirt was always shorter than the required length
AM I NOT RIGHT?"
i was like O_o
he got all that from my personality test?!?
that's just scary!
AYE
okay okay i must must must learn to not be such a rebel
haha
mum says i'm not outwardly rebellious
mine is PASSIVE REBELLION
hahah
OKAY OKAY
aye
guess its back to work tmr
i'm just sad i didnt get to celebrate surviving my
first week at the new job this weekend
all the friends are busy busy busy
miss you guys ):
blahh
I MISS THE GOOD OLD CJ DAYS

2009-02-20T10:07:00.002+08:00

If God is a DJ
Life is a dance floor
Love is the rhythm
You are the music

i've been running
running for so long
trying to do this all by myself
trying to do with without him
staying mad at him for the way that my life has turned out
even though
deep down inside
i know it is ME
my fault
and not his
and yet
everytime i want to come home
he never abandons me
he never gives up on me
i will stop counting the things he has taken away from me
and start counting all the wonderful things he's blessed me with

2009-02-18T11:16:00.001+08:00

its been a long time since i felt this warm fuzzy feeling
except that this time
i dont know what to make of it

2009-02-13T17:57:00.003+08:00

Try - Nelly Furtado

All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try

I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
And all the real people are really not real at all
The more I learn, the more I learn
The more I cry, the more I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
I'm all I'll ever be
But all I can do is try
Try

All of the moments that already passed
We'll try to go back and make them last
All of the things we want each other to be
We never will be
And that's wonderful, and that's life
And that's you, baby
This is me, baby
And we are, we are, we are, we are
Free
In our love
We are free in our love

i'm done trying

2009-02-13T17:46:00.002+08:00

he cancelled
i just KNEW he'd pull something like that
he fuckin cancelled
to think i was actually looking forward to today
HELL why do i give a shit anymore

EVERY FUCKING YEAR
VALENTINE'S DAY IS NOTHING BUT
BAD NEWS

i want to curl up into a ball and just die

2009-02-11T11:19:00.002+08:00

OKAY.this is from ds' lj
AND i have to agree with ds
he IS cute
haha
AND as ds said
SHARE the eyecandy
SO i'm sharing it with you guys now
you have ds to thank for it! :P

2009-02-10T20:32:00.001+08:00

2009-02-09T16:01:00.002+08:00

i'm scared.i'm terrified.i'm happy.i want to dance.i want to cry.i want to sing.i want to scream.i'm relieved.i'm anxious.i cant sit still.i want it to come.and i dont want it to come.

i'm giddy with anticipation

i know i have to do this.
so i guess
above all else
i'm thankful

2009-02-09T10:10:00.002+08:00

One Of THOSE Nights - The Cab

I've been let loose and now I'm crawling up the wall
Word is I got away and now I must be caught

Don't leave, take it from me
I've been more than a king
I can't take that, I can't take that

I'm going crazy and I've been awake for days
My mirrors are stained with pain and portraits of your face

Don't leave, take it from me,
You're my dirty disease
I can't take that, I can't that

My flatlined inhibition is my ammunition
I'm just fighting to get by
Just give me some direction
I'll be your affection
How could you leave me behind?

I'm a mess and
Your words just give me time
To give you a waste of time
One of those nights
When you leave me for no reason
I'll give you a reason

If seconds heal the wounds
I'll put these tips on you

I brought apologies, I've tried even a bouquet
Just to find out that my face had been replaced
Deceived, it was a breeze,
I was tossed to the street

I can't take that, I can't take that

My flatlined inhibition is my ammunition
I'm just fighting to get by
Just give me some direction
I'll be your affection
How could you leave me behind?

I'm a mess and
Your words just give me time
To give you a waste of time
One of those nights
When you leave me for no reason
I'll give you a reason
[x2]

If seconds heal the wounds
I'll put these tips on you
When faith is left to prove
It's all you have to lose

I'm a mess and
Your words just give me time
To give you a waste of time
One of those nights
When you leave me for no reason
I'll give you a reason

I'm a mess and
Your words just give me time
To give you a waste of time
One of those nights
When you leave me for no reason
I'll give you a reason

2009-02-06T12:25:00.001+08:00

With You - Natalie Walker

We’ve come a long, long way
I must say
We’ve come a long, long way
Love takes time and time is on our side
Time is on our side

I was all alone and I didn’t have a place
You came into my life and then everything changed
Love this strong never fades
Holds onto your life doesn’t go away

We’ve come a long, long way
I must say
We’ve come a long, long way
Love takes time and time is on our side
Time is on our side

I was all alone and I didn’t have a place
You came into my life and then everything changed
Love this strong never fades
Holds onto your life doesn’t go away

With you
This world is a better place
This world is a better place with you

2009-02-04T12:52:00.000+08:00

02 Pot Kettle Black.mp3 - Tilly And The Wall

2009-02-03T09:28:00.001+08:00

2009-02-02T15:25:00.003+08:00

i said i wouldnt do it but i did
i always say i wont do things
but i do them anyway
god this is not me
i dont know whats up with me lately
ITS OVER
GET OVER IT RIGHT
damn it
instead i let it eat into every aspect of my life
sometimes
i look in the mirror
and i dont even recognise myself anymore

2009-02-01T11:19:00.004+08:00

FRIDAY WAS INSANE
and interesting
I HAVE NEVER HAD SO MANY SHOTS IN MY ENTIRE LIFE
but i think we ALL drank a LITTLE too much for our own goods

(i am very sorry for disappearing it didnt occur to me
AT THAT POINT IN TIME
that you guys might actually worry about me
cause to me pet was the drunk one
NOT ME.not that i was drunk because i wasnt!
but YES.so sorry babes I WILL STICK TO YOU
GUYS LIKE GLUE NEXT TIME
and yes i am also feeling very guilty for not being
very much help to pet BUT i did unknowing help with
the glasses.hahaha.all i remember was being VERY CONFUSED
as to why ian kept making me walk up and down!
hahaha)

other than that i actually had a pretty good time
i'm glad that everyone who was there WAS THERE
i hope roy had a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY
hahaha :P
much thanks to ian and aud and serena
for trying to keep track of the rest of us
i love you all immensely

afterall you're my wonderwall <3

2009-01-24T21:37:00.000+08:00

^_^

2009-01-22T17:53:00.002+08:00

hee....
BLISSFULLY HAPPY TODAY
sometimes i detest myself
for being so easily contented
^_^

(P.S. this post was posted MANY hours
after the last one so NO i am not
suffering from ridiculous mood swings
i had time to cheer up!)

2009-01-22T12:37:00.005+08:00

okay i know i've said it alot of times
that i'm going to shut him out
but i think i'm serious about it this time
i just spent the last hour deleting all his messages
I KNOW
WAY OVERDUE
i just
i could never bring myself to do it
i didnt want to let go
i mean
it still IS difficult
but at least i'm making a conscious
effort to leave this behind
all the broken promises
all the empty promises
i'm leaving it behind

Aren't you proud of me?

2009-01-20T10:18:00.002+08:00

crazy - jem

Take your aftershave, take your rings
Take your clothes just take all of your things
Move your flash car it’s wasting my space
Now take yourself and get outta my place

You think I’m crazy, Well hell I may be
Boy you’re not welcome here
But if I’m crazy you made me crazy so
Boy you’re not welcome here

Don’t like problems, I don’t like stress
Don’t like to argue like tears even less
You think it’s clever to play all these games
Well say goodbye ‘cause the rules have just changed
You think I’m crazy, well hell I may be
Boy you’re not welcome here
But if I’m crazy, you made me crazy so
Boy you’re not welcome here

I’ve got brains an’ a hot body too
I’m not stupid I leave that to you
Don’t think you counted on me being strong
Well I’m calling time now you just run along

Not too perceptive, not too perceptive
Boy I’m not that kind of girl
Go find another, sleep with another
Boy I’m not that kind of girl

You think I’m crazy, well hell I may be
Boy you’re not welcome here
But if I’m crazy, you made me crazy so
Boy you’re not welcome here

Not too perceptive, not too perceptive
Boy I’m not that kind of girl
Go find another, sleep with another
Boy I’m not that kind of girl

And if I’m crazy, you made me crazy so
Boy you’re not welcome here

2009-01-20T10:04:00.004+08:00

you know the one thing i've always lacked:
DISCIPLINE

after trying to fight off the tears
on the way to church
all through mass
on the way home
after trying to force a smile
after trying to fake a laugh
just so the family wont worry about me
i had a lot of time to think
when you tried to talk to me yesterday
i realised
i realised it doesnt matter
i dont care what feeble explanation
you have to offer
nothing you say can justify your actions
aud is right
i always handle it well (usually)
but i havent been handling this well
and its about time i start protecting myself
i'm sick of being everyone's doormat
i dont care what you have to say anymore
1)I WILL NOT CALL YOU
2)I WILL NOT PICK UP YOUR CALLS
3)I WILL NOT SEND YOU MESSAGES
4)I WILL NOT REPLY YOUR MESSAGES
5)I WILL NOT CALL YOU WHEN I'M DRUNK
[i will delete your number from my phone
if necessary]

DISCIPLINE
i've always been able to lay the groundrules
when it came to my relationships
i shouldnt have made exceptions for you
i slipped up
i let things slide
i've been mucking around for too long
i'm not sad anymore
you've made me angry
and you have no one to blame but yourself
i hope you realised what you've done
no one will have the patience to love you
like i did
when you eventually realise this
dont you dare come back
you've wasted your countless opportunities

2009-01-19T11:34:00.001+08:00

Be OK - Ingrid Michaelson

I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today
I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today

I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today
I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today

[CHORUS:]
Open me up and you will see
I'm a gallery of broken hearts
I'm beyond repair, let me be
And give me back my broken parts

I just want to know today, know today, know today
I just want to know something today
I just want to know today, know today, know today
Know that maybe I will be ok

[CHORUS]

Just give me back my pieces
Just give them back to me please
Just give me back my pieces
And let me hold my broken parts

I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today
I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today

I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today
I just want to know today, know today, know today
Know that maybe I will be ok
Know that maybe I will be ok
Know that maybe I will be ok

2009-01-19T10:51:00.002+08:00

OKAY
i think i'm in a better mood to blog now
the weekend SUCKED
to say the least

SATURDAY SUCKED BECAUSE
L tries calling me because he needs someone to talk to
it turns out that he doesnt just want to talk
he wants to talk about a fight he had with E
HAHA.i dont know if i should laugh or cry
i dont know what i can do to make it any clearer
that i HATE E.that she pretty much made my life
miserable at that point in time and i that i will have
NOTHING to do with her.calling me to talk about her
screams INSENSITIVITY
(but due to my nagging conscience i feel guilty for
not talking to him as well)
so its before 12 and i'm pissed and feeling guilty
but okay at least i had the friends
and booze to supress my anger for a while
i think i got quite high
i dont actually remember how i managed to find my way
OUT of the club but i did
haha
i just needed to sit outside and get some fresh air
i think i tried calling S a few times
i dont know suddenly i just wasnt
in the mood to party
i think that was literally the first time i had
to literally drag myself back into the club
cause i didnt wanna go back in
i think my mood swings these days are insane
SUNDAY WAS NO BETTER
i dont know somehow S and i got into an argument
he indirectly implied that i cheated on him
while we were together
HOW DARE HE
i would have never done such a thing to him
i couldnt believe what he was saying
i couldnt believe that THIS
was the guy i wanted to grow old with
who is he
i dont know anymore
the boy i loved is gone
he is so different now
i was on my way to church when we talked
i dont ever remember being so angry
and feeling so defeated
my own ex thinks that i'm a
bitch/slut/whore
i dont know what he thinks
then i go for mass
and the WHOLE sermon was about
YOUR BODY IS A TEMPLE OF GOD
IT IS NOT YOURS TO MISUSE AND ABUSE
YOU MUST RESPECT IN AND TAKE CARE OF IT
and i could feel myself shrinking in my seat
like
MY GOSH
of all weeks!
ah i cant even describe what i was feeling over the weekend
i was like a time bomb ready to EXPLODE
i think i have to accept the fact that i have
horrible taste in guys
and that it IS impossible to stay friends with your exs
everyone says i'm nuts because i do
i keep telling myself that ITS POSSIBLE
its okay
I CAN HANDLE IT
but
at the end of the day
i guess i cant
its too much for me to handle
its stress i can do without
i give up

anyway
i'm glad the weekend is over
i need to thank ian
i need to thank serena
and i need to thank pet
for putting up with my whining
i was really feeling like crap this weekend
and i need to thank nigel
just because he always knows what to say
to make me feel better

2009-01-18T11:58:00.002+08:00

ugh
my head feels like it weighs ten pounds more than yest
ALL I WANT TO SLEEP
yesterday night was crap
it was FULLL of crap
i'm hungry
going to go have lunch now
FOOD always makes you feel better (:

2009-01-16T13:00:00.001+08:00

Hole - Kelly Clarkson

Tired
Of everything around me
I smile
But I don't feel a thing no

I'm so far from where I need to be
I've given up on faith, on everything
All I want, all I need
Is some peace

There's a hole
Inside of me
It's so cold
Slowly killing me

Secrets
Eating at the core of me
Shut off
Trusting all the lies I breathe

I'm so far from where I need to be
I've given up on faith, on everything
All I wanted, all I needed
Was some peace

There's a hole
Inside of me
It's so damn cold
Slowly killing me

Sinking ever so slowly
So far from where I should be
No hands reaching out for me
Help me, help me

Something's gone
I can feel it
It's all wrong
I'm so sick of this

There's a hole
Inside of me
It's so cold
Slowly killing me
There's a hole
Inside of me
It's so damn cold
Slowly killing me

2009-01-16T12:52:00.001+08:00

i'm DYING for tomorrow to come QUICKLY
cant wait!
NEED TO SPEND TIME WITH THE GIRLS
DESPERATELY

2009-01-15T13:53:00.002+08:00

"true friendship is like sound health,
the value of it is seldom known
until it be lost"
-charles caleb colton

this post is for dearest
miss nicole ds
i know i've been i shithead of a friend
the last two years
and i'm SORRY
truly
i miss being able to talk to you about anything
and everything
i miss when us nicolesssss
use to hang out and do stuff together
i know you're going thro a tough time now
and i just want you to know
that i'll always be here for you alright
hang in there love

*P.S. i found my old sec 4 notebook
and it has loads of squiggles from you and nicky
I NEED TO SHOW IT TO YOU ONE DAY
because it is HILARIOUS.hahah (:

2009-01-14T18:35:00.002+08:00

i am very thankful for dearest audrey
because audrey is my constant reminder
to get off my fat ass and to go and try
and lose some calories before all the
FATS start to REALLY pile on

(okay so maybe the fats have already begun
to pile on by HEY at least i am
trying to minimise the damage done!)

2009-01-14T18:33:00.001+08:00

if lies kill love what does frankness do?
-Abel Hermant

2009-01-13T23:29:00.002+08:00

sick of your baby tantrums
FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE
please be the adult
i'm sick of having to walk on eggshells around you
of everyone having to baby you
GROW UP ALREADY
its WAY overdue

2009-01-13T17:27:00.003+08:00

you know
i just realised
that this is porbably the first time
(ever since the first boyfriend)
that i've been single for so long
(i've finally figured out the cause
of my moodiness)
OKAY so maybe it hasnt be THAT long
but it sure as hell feels like it
for the most part
there's always been someone i can lean on
or at least someone that i feel strongly about
and this time
there's been nobody for the longest of times
call me spoilt
but it does get to me sometimes
you know
i was talking to char the other day
and we were talking about bad break ups
and screwed up boyfriends
and how when its all over
they usually skip off unharmed
while we're left in a mess
char was saying that
after a really bad break up
there's only two things a girl will do
either totally withdraw herself
or go in the total opposite direction
go crazy
go wild
do anything it takes to get attention
cause there is thing NEED for her
to feel like she is still WANTED
and needed
by someone.anyone.
i think
that at the end of the day
no matter how strong we appear to be alone
every girl/woman craves loves and attention
they need to feel needed
and they need someone to cuddle them
every once in a while
to block out the rest of the cold cruel world
oh wells
boys are still luxury goods yes?
if need be we can live without them
IF NEED BE

everyday i learn to miss you a little less

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I don't want to have to build this
I don't want to have to fit in
I don't want to have to need someone
But I do..

I don't want to have to attract boys
I don't want to have to be here
I don't want to have to eat to fill a hole
But I do..

But it's better than nothing at all
But it's better than nothing at all

I don't want to have to be angry at you
I don't want to have to blame it on my father
I don't want to feel sick around you
But I do..

I don't want to ever fall in love
I don't want to feel so insecure
I don't want to have to write this to explain
Still I do..

This feels better than nothing at all...
This feels better than nothing at all...

2009-01-13T13:34:00.001+08:00

OH FUCK
ALICIA CONTROL YOURSELF

(someone PLEASE IS THERE A CURE FOR
MY ADDICTION TO SINGING BOYS WITH GUITARS)

2009-01-13T13:10:00.003+08:00

for the friends who have put up with my nonsense
for YEARS AND YEARS(NICKY)
thank you for being there for me
(esp to serena aud pet marian sam
this past year has been hard on me but you
guys hava always been there)
i know i can be a pain sometimes
but THANK YOU
for always putting up with me
(you know who you guys are)
i always take great comfort in the fact that
i have true friendships that will last me
a lifetime
<3

Friendship is like a violin; the music may stop now and then,
but the strings will last forever

2009-01-09T17:55:00.001+08:00

i love mummy immensely

thank god at least one parent understands me

2009-01-09T13:43:00.000+08:00

Just Hold Me - Maria Mena

Comfortable as I am,
I need your reassurance
Comfortable as you are,
You count the days
But if I wanted silence I would whisper
If I wanted loneliness I'd choose to go
If I liked rejection I'd audition
And if I didn't love you, you would know

So why can't you just hold me,
how come it's so hard?
Do you like to see me broken?
Why do I still care?

You say you see the light now
at the end of this narrow hall
I wish it didn't matter
I wish I didn't give you all

But if I wanted silence I would whisper
If I wanted loneliness I'd choose o go
If I liked rejection I'd audition
And if I didn't love you, you would know

So why can't you just hold me
How come it's so hard?
Do you like to see me broken?
Why do I still care?

Poor little misunderstood baby
No one likes a sad face
But I can't remember life without him
I think I did have good days
I'm sure I did have good days

So why

2009-01-09T13:20:00.002+08:00

i am feeling MUCH better today
i think it was the cosmos and strawberry margaritas! (:
anyway i'm super happy i dragged myself out of the house
to go meet steff and kass and serena for dinner!
I MISSED THEM ALOT
i'm so sad everyone's leaving s'pore so soon
AYEEE ):

you know yesterday we were talking
about overprotective boys and all
i KNOW its not wrong to want your
own freedom and your own space
which is why i'm NEVER willing to
give that up
sometimes although i strongly believe
that a girl should never give up her
liberty to do whatever she wants whenever she wants to
i think
sometimes
maybe i am a little too uncompromising
i know i have my reasons
but blahh
i cant let it dictate my whole life
and how i live it right
its so difficult to draw the line
between making sure you dont let anyone
take advantage of you
and just being plain stubborn

you know
i was talking to mum today
and everyone keeps asking me what i want to do
i've been thinking about it ALOT
its seriously been driving me crazy
on new year's
i realised
there is only ONE thing i WANT to do
i want to be a psychologist/counsellor
or whatever job allows me to work with PEOPLE
especially kids
its what i WANT to do
i remember i told someone this ONCE
and they were like
why dont you teach?
you can work with kids then
but the point IS
i dont want to deal with spoilt brats and
all their petty problems
i want to help kids with REAL problems
family probs
i just hate telling people this cause its SINGAPORE
nobody does anything that they truly want to do anymore
everyone expects you to go into
law business fincance.
whatever crap rakes in the most money
but i dont want to be doing something that i HATE
if i'm going to be stuck working for the rest of my life
i want a FULFILLING CAREER
i want to be happy with what i do
okay yes i did quite love my job at cna
and i guess i could go into journalism or something
but
sighs
i just
it sucks that i cant do what i really want to do

THINGS THAT I WANT TO DO
BUT MOST LIKELY WILL NEVER GET A CHANCE TO
1)become a psychologist
2)go on mission trips to cambodia and africa
to help the kids
3)ADOPT A KID
(serena says that the singapore govt doesnt allow you
to adopt kids unless you CANT have your own kids)
4)i wanna have a big happy family
with a guy thats going to be an AWESOME DAD
(awesome dads are almost impossible to find)

sometimes i look at my own list
and wonder
OMG ALICIA WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
what happened to
I WANT TO BE RICH FAMOUS AND SUCCESSFUL
i mean
yeah i want all that too
but its secondary to all the things i really want
I AM SUCH A SUCKER

PLEASE JUST SHOOT ME NOW

2009-01-08T16:46:00.001+08:00

i'm in love with maria mena now!
this is SO much better than being addicted
to lady gaga (:

2009-01-07T17:46:00.002+08:00

my head is pounding
my eyes are burning
i'm exhausted and cranky
RARR
WHY AM I SICK AGAIN
damn orange juice
WHY DO I HAVE TO BE ALLERGIC TO ORANGES
i mean
omg
i have never heard of ANYONE who is allergic
to FRUIT
except for maybe mag
but that isnt a REAL allergy she just
doesnt like FRUITS
annoyeddd
i have PEOPLE to meet up with before they all fly off
i cant be sickk nowwww
urghhh
i'm going to go SLEEP now

2009-01-07T12:44:00.001+08:00

2009-01-07T11:29:00.004+08:00

i was listening to superhuman last night
before i went to sleep
and i realised WHY
no matter how hard i try
i cant hate him
i cant stay angry at him
he's the one who taught me what
love REALLY is
he gave it meaning
and depth
he changed me
he showed me what it could be
if i overcame my fears
of letting someone else
see all my broken parts
he loved me for me
he saw the scars and bruises
and he didnt run away
he stayed
tried to help me put the pieces back together
he saw that i was always trying to figure people out
but that i never wanted anyone to figure me out
the first guy
he cared but he didnt understand
the second
well he was too wrapped up in his own problems
to care about mine
but he
he never made my problems seem smaller than they were
and he understood me
we didnt realise what we had till it was gone
until it was too late to take back all the angry words
too late to go back
we let it go to waste
and it is our fault
for what its worth
he changed my whole life
cause now i truly know what i want
i want a love like that
to last all the days of my life
and
well
if i cant find anyone who can love me the way you did
i can always teach them how
the way you taught me
cause i know
i'll never settle for any less than that

2009-01-06T18:09:00.002+08:00

most awkward moment of 2009 so far:
bumping into denis at the supermarket on saturday
SO AWKWARD
like
both of us momentarily went into shock
it was like OH NO
WHAT DO I DO
i think i TRIED to smile
my brain was telling my muscles to force a smile
but i suspect even though i THINK i half smiled
maybe i didnt!
i just TOTALLY didnt know how to react
we just wanted to move off as quickly as possible!
haha
ayeee
you know
its not that i'm pissed off at her anymore
OKAY
maybe when i start remembering all the crap she pulled
it DOES make my blood start to boil
but like
i dont need to fight the urge to bitch slap her
when i see her
so thats good right?
haha
AHHH SO WEIRD
oh wells oh wells

you know
i was talking to aud the other day
and we were talking about guys
and i said
i HONESTLY wouldnt mind dating a
boring GUAI boy now
i dont care if he's boring
just so long as he doesnt put me thro
all the shit all my other ex bfs put me thro
and aud was like
but WHYY
why are you settling for LESS
you're compromising your own wants
and you know what
the more i think about it
the more i think
i can NEVER date a boring guy
like
seriously
it might actually kill me more
than having to put up with all the nonsense
that the average moronic fun loving guy gives
OH THE DILEMMA
haha
actually its not really much of a dillemma
cause at the end of the day
i think
i KNOW which guy i'll pick

on a totally unrelated note
i had fun on saturday!
hahaha
yes man was funny
haha
ANY show with jim carrey in it cant be BAD
and chilling out at timbre with the church friends was GOOD
and and and
THE GOODFELLAS ARE REALLY GOOD
(i am so reluctant to admit this but
I STILL HAVE THIS HUGE THING FOR GUYS WITH GUITARS.urghhh)
someone please go with me toe timbre soon!
i wanna hear them play again!

2009-01-02T17:48:00.001+08:00

Shattered Glass - Britney Spears

I hope you know that, you can't come back
Cause all we had, is broken like shattered glass

2009-01-02T17:35:00.002+08:00

goodbye to 2008
and HELLO to 2009!
i have a GOOD feeling about this year
because i started off the year
on a good note

1)i didnt go out to party on NYE
2)that means that i didnt get drunk!
3)i am OVER shaughn
completely cured of my shaughn disease/unhealthy addiction
or whatever else you want to call it
in fact i'm SO over it i'm kinda hoping
i bump into him one of these days so that
he can see it for himself!
i FINALLY get to start over
4)i'm finally putting time aside to catch up with old friends
5)i dont have the DIRE NEED to club/drink anymore
i CAN do without it
and honestly i've hardly been partying!
so i guess that's a good thing too!

all i need now
is a good JOB
then i'll be happy
at least for now!
(:

2008-12-30T14:33:00.003+08:00

CAN I HAVE A HUG PLEASE?

2008-12-29T15:15:00.002+08:00

the party on saturday was FUN FUN FUN
hahaha
i love the friends
and YAY anisha and joel and nat were there too!
its just too bad that ian and nathan and marian
couldnt be there ):
but yep
it is always good to spend time with the gang
too bad the rest couldnt club though
hahaha
me and aud ended up sitting around bishan
and talking till 3ish in the morning (:

met kelsey celine and adel for breakfast today!
yay!rarr.i missed them!
i wish kelsey didnt have to go back so soon
ayeee

meeting the church friends on saturday!
yay!we are going to watch YES MAN.
hahaha
i love jim carrey!

2008-12-29T14:54:00.002+08:00

this christmas
hasnt exactly been my ideal christmas
but still a good one nonetheless
its made me realise that
despite all the crap that
constantly gets thrown at me
i am grateful for this life that i've been given
i'm grateful for the people i get to share it with
i'm grateful for everything
that has made me a stronger person
i'm grateful that i have god to rely on
2008 hasnt exactly been an easy year for me
hell
its was ther hardest
most trying time of my life
but through all the pain, tears and sleepless nights
i think
i think i've grown
i've learnt to be more independent
more self reliant
i've learnt
that holding on to my anger
at a lot of things
is useless
and pointless
i'm learning to forgive the people
who have hurt me the most
(YES i still have a long way to go
but i know i will get there eventually)
but i think
most important of all
i think i've learnt to forgive myself
to stop hating myself for the stupid things i do
for the stupid mistakes i've made
for the bad choices
for being the person i am
for all my trust issues
for being wary of people
for putting so much importance
on my relationships with people
for caring about some people
and not caring about others
for trying to act so strong on the outside
when i'm always crying on the inside
i've learnt to accept me for me
yes not all of it is good
and yes i will try to change the bad parts
but for the most part
i'm okay with all that
and i know the people who love me
accept it too
and that they will always be there
to support me thro whatever
and that there is no tragedy or circumstance
which i cant get thro
when god gives you shit do deal with
he also gives you a way to overcome it
a way to get by
and in this case
he blessed me with PEOPLE
and of all the blessings he could've given me
i am grateful that he chose this one

and so
i am no longer afraid to face 2009
because
although there is a possibilty that
i might turn out even worse than 2008
there is also the possibility that
it will be BETTER
its all in his hands

2008-12-26T14:25:00.002+08:00

OH NOOOO
i am addicted to lady gaga
ARGHH
WHYY!
i had seven glasses of wine yesterday
hahaha
as you can imagine it to a HELL
lot of effort on my part to take the train home
with my parents and act perfectly FINE
hahaha
I LAUGH TOO MUCH WHEN I DRINK TOO MUCH
it is a DEAD GIVEAWAY
man i have got to stop that
rarr
i'm growing fatter by the minute
SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP

2008-12-23T12:12:00.000+08:00

Droplets - Colbie Caillat

I'm leaving you
I'm not sure if that’s what I should do
It hurts so bad
I'm wanting you but can't go back
Trying to find, to find
That all elusive piece of mind
Stuck here somehow
Shrouded beneath my fear
And now I don’t need it

Cuz I'm walkin down this road alone and figured all I'm thinking bout is you, is you my love
And my head is in a cloud of rain and the world it seems so far away and I'm just waiting for
The droplets, droplets

You left a mark
I wear it proudly on my chest
Above my heart Above my heart
To Remind me that I feel the best
When I'm with you When I'm with you
To me everything is effortless
You know it's true
My eyes are painted with regret and I don’t need it

Cuz I'm walkin down this road alone and figured all I'm thinking bout is you, is you my love
And my head is in a cloud of rain and the world it seems so far away and I'm just waiting to fall and sink into your tears

You are like the raindrops, the raindrops falling down on me

You left a mark you left a mark
She left a mark he left
She left he left
And I don’t I don’t
Need it. Need it

2008-12-23T11:47:00.005+08:00

hahahaha
i came across one of my old posts!

Saturday, May 19, 2007

alicia is feeling very RANDOM today

i love RED
pop tarts is the LOVE
i need to STUDYYY
math sucks!
I LOVE THE DASHBOARD CONFESSIONALS
i might ACTUALLY finish reading great ex soon
tim seems to have grown older!
roy seems to have grown younger
marian is a SHOPAHOLIC!!
i'm in DESPERATE need of a shopping trip!
i'm gaining weight
I HAVENT WATCHED SPIDERMAN YET.rarrr
love is BLIND
love is stupid
yet it makes the world go round
i conclude we live in a stupid world
sam and marian and manda and huiren
make school WORTH IT.
excessively gossipy people
are the most annoying bums on
the face of the earth.
I WANT A HUG NOW.

haha.i think i'm done
for today!
i spy the ferero rocher from here!
that's my cue to log out!
haha!
(:

this is proof that i have ALWAYS been RANDOM
hahaha
i miss the old me sometimes

2008-12-22T13:07:00.001+08:00

Hanging On Too Long - Duffy

2008-12-22T12:34:00.002+08:00

i was sitting down and thinking on saturday
before i went for mass
about how boring
and relatively meaningingless
this christmas is turning out to be
and then i realised
that this christmas
has been all about ME
my shopping my clothes
so superficial
4 weeks of advent has passed
and i havent grown spiritually at all
i havent put aside time
to reflect
or to be thankful for what i have
and to count my blessings
i've been feeling so so lonely
these last few weeks
this year
and its so POINTLESS
its getting me nowhere
i'm going to stop crying over him
cause
i'm really not alone at all
i have my family
and my awesome friends
and god
some people dont even have that
so shouldnt i at least be thankful for that
this is not really me saying goodbye to you
this is me
finally acknowledging the fact that
i have no control over us
this is me putting all of this is god's hands
and trusting that he will take care of it
this is me accepting the fact that
if us being together is not in THE PLAN
i will be okay with it
because i truly believe
that if we are meant to be together
that somewhere down the road
be it a week/month/months/year/YEARS later
we will get our second chance
though i have also come to accept the fact
that in life
most of us rarely ever get a second shot
at the things that matter most to us
and even fewer of us get a THIRD shot
so if there ever were to be a second time
i wouldnt wanna force it to happen and screw that up too
things cant always work out the WAY i want them too
i understand that
but it doesnt make it any easier to swallow it
well well
i guess
sometimes
love is proved in walking away
so
there it is
merry christmas love
dont you ever ever think that i dont care
i'm just doing what i think is best
for us both

2008-12-19T17:53:00.002+08:00

after many many days of shopping
i am feeling EXTREMELY DEPRESSED
fat fat fat
I AM SO FAT
rarr
i have been bumped up from a size s
to an M
OMG
soon i am going to be and L
and then..
omg
XL!!
rarr
i'm so pissed at myself
HOW DID THIS HAPPEN
damn christmas
its impossible to STOP EATING
hmpfff

2008-12-19T13:18:00.001+08:00

Stop This Song (lovesick melody) - Paramore

You say the sweetest things
And I can’t keep my heart from singing
Along to the sound of your song
My stupid feet keep moving

To this 4-4 beat I’m in time with you, ohh
To this 4-4 beat I would die for you (die for you)
(Someone stop this)

I’ve gone too far to come back from here
But you don’t have a clue
You don’t know what you do to me

Won’t someone stop this song?
So I won’t sing along
Someone stop this song
So I won’t sing

Well, I never let love in
So I could keep my heart from hurting
The longer that I live with this idea
The more I sink in

To this 4-4 beat I’m in time with you, ohh
To this 4-4 beat I would die for you
(Let’s stop this song)

I’ve gone too far to come back from here (ohh)
But you don’t have a clue
You don’t know what you do to me (ooh)
And I’ve come too far to get over you (ohh)
And you don’t have a clue (ohh)
You don’t know what you do to me

Won’t someone stop this song?
So I won’t sing along
Someone stop this song
So I won’t sing a lovesick melody
It’s gonna get the best of me tonight
But you won’t get to me
If I don’t sing

It creeps in, like a spider
Can’t be killed, although I try and try to
But don’t you see I’m falling?
Don’t wanna love you
But I do

(Lovesick melody)
Someone stop this song
So I won’t sing along
(Lovesick melody, ohh)
Someone stop this song
So I won’t sing a lovesick melody
It’s gonna get the best of me tonight
But you won’t get to me (no, you won’t get to me)
Cause I won’t sing

2008-12-15T14:21:00.001+08:00

on a totally unrelated note
zoukout was FUN
ESP since the company was AWESOME
love you guys <3

2008-12-15T14:14:00.002+08:00

happy birthday love
hope you have an awesome 19th

15th dec 2007
i will ALWAYS remember
and the 15th will always be important to me
BUT
i think
its time for me to let go
(YOU KNOW IAN WAS BEING AN ASS
BY CONFUSING ME BY TRYING TO ASK ME
WHAT THE PAST TENSE OF LET GO WAS.HMPFF.haha)
but yes
i was half hoping that by some miracle
you'd show up at zoukout
but of course you didnt
and i've come to realise
i dont want to spend the rest of my life
waiting for for
hoping you'll show up
hoping that you'll be there
when i need you
cause
you clearly wont

Im Still Breathing - Katy Perry

I leave the gas on
Walk the allies in the dark
Sleep with candles burning
I leave the door unlocked
I'm weaving a rope and
Running all the red lights
Did I get your attention
Cause I'm sending
All the signs and
The clock is ticking
And I'll be giving
My 2 weeks

Pick your favorite
Shade of black
You'd best
Prepare a speech
Say something funny
Say something sweet
But don't say
That you loved me

[Chorus:]
Cause I'm still breathing
Though we've been
Ddead for awhile
This sickness has no cure
We're goin down for sure
Already lost a grip
Best abandon ship

Maybe I was too pale
Maybe I was too fat
Maybe you wanted better
Better luck off in the sack
No formal education
And I swore way too much
But I swear
You didn't fucking care
Cause we were in love

So as I write this letter
And she'd my last tear
No, it's all for the better
That we end this this year
Let's close this chapter
Say one last prayer
But don't say
That you loved me

[Chorus]

I'm still breathing
I'm still breathing

2008-12-13T11:31:00.000+08:00

Circus.mp3 - Britney Spears

2008-12-13T11:24:00.003+08:00

NO MORE SADNESS PLEASE
time to partehhh
zouk out tonight!
i have no time to cry over you anymore
SCREW YOU
wont let you rain on my parade no more

2008-12-12T10:32:00.002+08:00

i'm tired of waiting for you
tired of waiting for answers
you keep circling around me
you wont go away
but you wont stay
why do i feel like
when you finally make a move
you're not going to save me
you're going to move in for the kill
my offer is not going to stand for long
it WILL expire
and when it eventually does
dont you DARE come back
dont you dare
take it while you can
otherwise
dont prolong my misery
i can only wait for you for so long
i wont be here forever

Walk Away - Kelly Clarkson

You've got your mother and your brother
Every other undercover
Tellin' you what to say (say)
You think I'm stupid
But the truth is
That it's cupid, baby
Lovin' you has made me this way
So before you point your finger
Get your hands off of my trigger
Oh yeah
You need to know this situation's getting old
And now the more you talk
The less I can take, oh

I'm looking for attention
Not another question
Should you stay or should you go?
Well, if you don't have the answer
Why are you still standin' here?
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Just walk away
Just walk away
Just walk away

I waited here for you
Like a kid waiting after school
So tell me how come you never showed (showed)?
I gave you everything
And never asked for anything
And look at me
I'm all alone (alone)
So, before you start defendin'
Baby, stop all your pretendin'
I know you know I know
So what's the point in being slow
Let's get the show on the road today
Hey

I'm looking for attention
Not another question
Should you stay or should you go?
Well, if you don't have the answer
Why are you still standin' here?
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Just walk away
Just walk away
Just walk away

I wanna love
I want a fire
To feel the burn
My desires
I wanna man by my side
Not a boy who runs and hides
Are you gonna fight for me?
Die for me?
Live and breathe for me?
Do you care for me?
'Cause if you don't then just leave

I'm looking for attention
Not another question
Should you stay or should you go?
Well, if you don't have the answer
Why are you still standin' here?
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Just walk away

If you don't have the answer
Walk away
Just walk (walk) away
(Just walk away)
Then just leave
Yeah yeah
Walk away
Walk away
Walk away

2008-12-10T18:22:00.000+08:00

Kill The Lights - Britney Spears

2008-12-10T18:14:00.002+08:00

i think mum has the most hilarious
conversations with me sometimes
eversince that day i went to timbre
with the girls
my mum has been ON MY CASE
about my clothes
alicia yada yada
dont attract the wrong attention
DONT cross certain lines
dont dress like one of THOSE girls
HELLOOO
there is nothing wrong with my clothes
(now when we go shopping she ONLY wants to
by me LOOSE and LONG stuff!hahah)
but anyway
seeing that i wasnt going to make
drastic changes to my clothes
mum tried to teach me some
SELF DEFENSE TACTICS today
hahaha
how when i'm walking home alone at night
i should always be carrying my keys in my hand
so i can jab it in the asshole's eye or throat
if anyone tries anything funny
hahaha
OKAY i know she was serious
but
HOW COULD I NOT LAUGH
hahaha
and then ZOUKOUT
mum's going on about the DRUGS
that are going to be there
and the pedophiles!
hahah
and she keeps on telling me not not leave
my drinks unattended in case someone tries
to slip the drugs into my drinks
hahah
alicia is a BIG GIRL
she can take care of herself
mum should really learn to trust me more
hahah
aye
but i guess
its always good to know
that she still cares
haha
i love mum

2008-12-08T23:28:00.001+08:00

i know i shouldnt
omg
i KNOW i shouldnt
but ahh
i cant help
you KNOW i cant
damn you for knowing me so well

2008-12-07T11:48:00.001+08:00

i think nat is so super brave
nat is awesome
i have total respect for the girl

2008-12-03T12:55:00.002+08:00

Lovely Traces - Krystal Meyers

"Lovely Traces"

I was consumed
By a life that I made
Destined to crash
Beat up and bruised
By the flashbacks of my own past
I tried to hide away
Till I heard you say

Lovely traces fall behind you
Turn around and you will see
Lovely traces to remind you
Everything that you've been through
What it took to get you to me

All my mistakes
Regrettable choices I'd like to forget
But somehow you make
All that I wasted useful again
I thought I fell from grace
But you can't erase

The lovely traces behind you
Turn around and you will see
Lovely traces to remind you
Everything that you've been through
What it took to get you to me

I lost my direction
'Cause I couldn't see
What a beautiful picture
You would complete in me

lovely traces

because of you

2008-12-02T17:27:00.000+08:00

Because Of You lyrics - Kelly Clarkson lyrics

Because Of You Video - Kelly Clarkson Music Videos

Music Videos by VideoCure

2008-12-02T16:51:00.002+08:00

i hate you
i hate you
i hate you
that's all that has been
running thro my head since the morning
you are NOTHING
but a SELFISH ARROGANT INSENSITIVE #$@^#$@!@#@%
i am sorry
sorry for ever thinking
that ONE day you might change
sorry for hoping
that one day you might be able
to see beyond your OWN needs
sorry for even thinking
i could ever forgive you
for everything you have done
to her
to us
cause now i know
i never will
because YOU will never never ever
see what it is that you do wrong
as i said
you are a selfish @#*%3!@#$!$!
havent you heard
that you can never buy
other's love
or RESPECT
not mine
not hers
not from anyone with a brain
you will never have my love
nor respect
the sad thing is
i will never be able to tell you
what i really think of you
you
you will never understand
the impact you have on my life
on the lives of the people
who have to put up with you
but its okay
everything happens for a reason yes?
your actions make me stronger
it makes me wiser
sometimes i wish i didnt have to
be so strong
but i am
and at any rate
being strong is better than being weak
when i look at you
i see everything
i never want to be
i never will be you
and i thank god for that
at the end of the day
we still have each other

who do you have?

2008-11-30T12:03:00.001+08:00

I Caught Myself - Paramore

Down to you
You're pushing and pulling me down to you
But I dont know what I
Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself
I'm saying something that I should have never thought
Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself
I'm saying something that I should have never thought of you, of you

You're pushing and pulling me down to you
But I don't know what I want
No I don't know what I want

You got it, you got it
Some kind of magic
Hypnotic, hypnotic
You're leaving me breathless
I hate this, I hate this
You're not the one I believe in
With God as my witness

Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself
I'm saying something that I should have never thought
Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself
I'm saying something that I should have never thought of you, of you

You're pushing and pulling me down to you
But I don't know what I want
No I don't know what I want

Don't know what I want
But I know it's not you
Keep pushing and pulling me down
But I know in my heart it's not you

Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself
I'm saying something that I should have never thought
Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself
I'm saying something that I should have never thought of you
I knew, I know in my heart it's not you
I knew, But now I know what I want, I want, I want
Oh no, I should have never thought

2008-11-27T13:17:00.003+08:00

i used to know you so well

2008-11-27T12:31:00.003+08:00

i closed my eyes when i lay down to sleep
and for a second
i forgot his face
and i panicked
i realised
i was forgetting
i was forgetting him
his smell
his touch
his goofy smile
I WAS FORGETTING
why did it scare me so
isnt this what i've been wanting
since march
to FORGET
but now i find myself desperately trying
to hold whatever memories i have left
cause thats all i have to get me thro all this
memories of you
it was almost comical
in a twisted sort of way
that i was crying last night
and you were crying last night
with the thunder and lightning
and the storm raging outside
knowing that there was only so
much i can do from the other end of the phone
that i will never ever be able
to physically be there for you
to catch your tears
WHY
why do we hold back the things we
are DYING to say to the people
we love most
why cant i tell him that i still love him
that i miss him
that everyday without his is hard
i cant tell if its pride
or fear
or a combination of both
lines lines lines
where do we draw the line
maybe i'm just being stupid again
but for the life of me
deep down inside i know
i'll never be able to
leave this behind completely
i'll never be able to close this chapter of my life
no matter how hard i try
because nobody
nobody gets me like he does
i hate the fact that i love him so

baby please come home

2008-11-26T14:27:00.001+08:00

yesterday was FUNN
i love the girls <3

marian wong is back!!!
WELCOME HOME LOVE
you have been greatly missed

SAM SIM
please hang in there alright
we will ALL be here for you
ALWAYS
never feel like you cant talk to us alright!

zomg
i havent told mum about zoukout
eepss
i'm SO DEAD :s

2008-11-24T10:11:00.004+08:00

whatever i say now
PLEASE do not take this as an insult
its not my intention
i just want to EXPLAIN
what has been going thro that tiny little head of mine
dearest bins
i think you should know
that we all love you to death
and i will NOT allow something as stupid as THIS
to ruin friendship that has been forged over
the best years of my life

i dont know where to start
okay FIRSTLY
i think alot of us were really upset when we read
your zouk post
i dont think you even realise that you did upset alot of us
but YES you did
you publicly dissed your friends!
the ones that have been there for you
thro ALL THE SHIT
implying that we're insensitive and all?
that's just like...
NOT COOL MAN
not cool

nobody's forcing you to come clubbing bins
we get it!
not everyone loves it i know
prior to what happened last saturday
i had NO IDEA you were THAT against it
had i known
i wouldve NEVER tried to convince you to come
YES i do like to club
clubbing and drinking
is MY ESCAPE
for those FEW HOURS
i dont have to worry bout all the shit
i have to worry about every other hour of the day

and binni
how can you equate lat saturday to us
shattering your heart?
you are talking to the girl
who has known heartbreak
since she was old enough to understand it
i watched my parents fight
and i listened to my mummy cry
i've always had to be the strong one
my relationships end in shit all the time
i cant trust guys
and YES i understand the heartbreak of doing badly
yes i do
heartbreak is one thing my dear
for whatever reason you are hurting
and for whatever reason your
pain and insecurities stem from
i strongly believe
that when you are down you dont pull your friends down with you
your friends are there to lend you a shoulder to cry on
to pick you up when you fall
to be your pillars of strength when the world comes crashing
down on you
YES when i am down and out
my friends listen to me cry
theyre always there to hold my hand
and be there for me
but i dont believe that
just because i'm not in the mood to party
that i should make them feel guilty
for wanting to have fun
its EXACTLY the same as right after my a's
the last time round
when we were at harry's
it was shortly after MY BIRTHDAY
and i had such a shit birthday
of course they'd try to convince
you to party
they're your friends
they want you to have fun with them
but i didnt go because i KNEW
i was in no mood to party
not after the break up
and not after the results
i didnt deserve it either
of course they understand
BUT just because i wasnt going
i didnt have to make them feel guilty about
them wanting to have fun
they DESERVED to party
i didnt that it
i'm not going to be the one to ruin their fun

you say
friends should take care of each other's feelings
i couldnt agree more
well dear friend
you werent looking out for our feelings when you posted
that first post about our zouk night
in friendship there is not tit-for-tat
if we hurt you unintentionally
you can TALK to us about it
face to face
and we can clear up all the unpleasant mess and
thats it its OVER problem solved!
friends arent supposed to stay angry at each
other for long periods of time
but you blew it out of proportion
when you made us seem like such horrible friends
pbft.

and as for what you said
about you being a friend,
not some toy part of a collection you assemble
for the sake of visual aestheticallity?
not only was that mean
but downright hurtful
i did NOT invite the whole clique for the party
just so that we would LOOK GOOD
that's ridiculous
you should know me well enough bins
i dont bother talking to people i dont like
i dont like to put up fronts
and i most certainly dont want thoe whole clique
hanging out together
just for the sake of it
and neither do the rest of us
i love you guys
and i want to spend CHRISTMAS
with the people i love
everyone that is a part of out little gang
is IMPORTANT
and although i may be closer to some
as compared to others
i love ALL OF YOU

so yes binni
for whatever deep grief we have caused you
over the clubbing incident
we are sorry
but before you say anything else
PLEASE think
about how you have insulted and hurt
the people who have been there for you
through the toughest of times
not just me
but PET and SERENA and
the WHOLE GANG
you didnt just hurt
those of us that were there on saturday
you hurt all of us

2008-11-23T22:11:00.003+08:00

i love my friends
because they care about me
even when its inconvenient for them
not ONLY when its convenient

isnt that what friends are for?

2008-11-21T18:11:00.003+08:00

i have been having a WONDERFUL WEEK
yesterday was awesome because
i got to meet up with the girls!
(pet aud serena anisha)
it has been FOREVER since all of us got to
just sit down and chill out at TALK
and laugh our asses off
and we went to watch madagascar! (:
i loved yesterdayy
and TODAY i went to church with serena
and we had lunch
and it was GOOD
because we didnt have to keep checking our watches
and worrying about
"OMG i need to rush home to finish MATH"
or chem or econs or bio or whatever other crap
AND i am BACK on track to losing all my FATS
finally got off my fat ass to go do some
EXERCISE
hahah

did i not tell you this week is awesome? (:

2008-11-19T19:05:00.002+08:00

i want to say a big thank you to
serena and pet and aud
and SAM
for listening to my crazy rubbish the past few days
sam really knocked some sense into that thick skull of mine
there i was going on about how i CANT walk away
and sam was like

so what.you forsee yourself ever getting back
with him anytime soon?you forsee youself being
happy knocked about?i think there's definitely
a resolute decision you have to make soon dear.
its either all or nothing.and if you clearly
know all might still leave you with nothing
i say the heart HAS to go

and i was like whoa
(you know when serena always laughs at me
when something dawns on me and hits me really
hard and my whole face lights up cause i'm like OH!
yeah that's what happened.haha)
so YES
sam if you're reading this
THANK YOU
i feel like a million times better now
i know exactly what to do now

HOKAY
BRING ON THE HOLIDAYS NOW
cause i am so ready to
enjoy every moment of it now! (:

2008-11-18T13:24:00.000+08:00

2008-11-18T12:56:00.002+08:00

tearless grief bleeds inwardly

isnt it bad enough
that you gave me everything i ever wanted
and then you took it all away
left me all alone to pick up the pieces
and try to piece everything back together
why do you have to keep doing this to me
its not that i dont care
you still mean the world to me
i think you always will
its not that i havent forgiven you
its that i cannot forget
i cannot forget the hurt
i just dont know how to talk to you anymore
it hurts
whatever i do it hurts
and i just want the pain to go away
i dont want to cry anymore
i dont want to think anymore
i dont want to miss you anymore
you used to say that i had no idea
how much you loved me
but the truth is
i dont think you have any idea
how much i love you
i just cant deal with this right now

why does every moment have to be so hard

2008-11-17T15:19:00.005+08:00

ALICIA IS BACK IN THE HOUSE

hahaha
helloooo world!
saturday was fun fun fun
I MISSED THE WHOLE GANG SO MUCH
rarr
LOVE YOU GUYS MUCHLY
good company
loud music
alcohol
and excessive amounts of laughter
make for GOOD FUN! (:

before i sign out i leave you with the song of the
day/week/month
(depending on how long it takes for aud
to get bored of it! )

In The Ayer

OH HOT DAMN THIS IS MY JAM
KEEP ME PARTYING TILL THE AM
YALL DONT UNDERSTAND
make me throw my hands
In the AYER AYE AYER AYER AYE AYERRRR

you gotta love aud <3

2008-11-14T19:29:00.002+08:00

you know
i thought i was looking forward to today
i thought i was going to be so
super EXCITED
but i'm not
i'm tired
and sad
and depressed
and i feel LOST
not only did the papers end
on a BAD NOTE
but
he called yesterday
sighs
i'm just
i love hearing for him
but urghh
it just leaves me feeling so empty after that
i dont want to FEEL anymore

Lose Control .:: www.PersianOne.com ::. - Evanescence .:: www.PersianOne.com ::.

You don't remember my name.
I don't really care.
Can we play the game your way?
Can I really lose control?

Just once in my life,
I think it'd be nice,
Just to lose control, just once,
With all the pretty flowers in the dust.

Mary had a lamb.
His eyes black as coals.
If we play very quiet, my lamb,
Mary never has to know.

Just once in my life,
I think it'd be nice,
Just to lose control, just once.

If I cut you down to a thing I can use,
I fear there will be nothing good left of you.

2008-10-24T10:57:00.001+08:00

i am PISSEDD
SUPER PISSED
exams are like
TEN DAYS AWAYS
and all the damn tutors are
cancelling classes
like WTH
seriously
WTH
as if i'm not having a bad enough time
trying to fit all my tuition in
AND FIT STUDY TIME IN
now i have to make time for all the
MAKE UP LESSONS
the WEEK before the exams
next week
there is like
4 gp lessons
4 chem lessons
2 math
2 econs
2 lit
SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME
I AM TOTALLY DROWNING

2008-10-14T17:33:00.001+08:00

Tokio_Hotel_-_Scream.mp3 - Tokio Hotel

You get up
And somebody tells you
Where to go to
When you get there
Everybody's telling you
What to do
Thank you
It's been another
Bloody Monday
And noone
Is asking what you wanted
Anyway

NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN
NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN

SCREAM 'till you feel it
SCREAM 'till you believe it
SCREAM and when it hurts you
Scream it out loud
SCREAM 'till you feel it
SCREAM 'till you believe it
SCREAM and when it hurts you
Scream it out loud
Scream... (Scream it out loud)

Watch out
Stay awake
They're lurking
Obsess you
They are always
Working
Promising
Everything you
Never asked for
And one day
It'll be too late
And you'll
Beg for more

NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN
NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN

SCREAM 'till you feel it
SCREAM 'till you believe it
SCREAM and when it hurts you
Scream it out loud
SCREAM 'till you feel it
SCREAM 'till you believe it
SCREAM and when it hurts you
Scream it out loud
Scream...

Back to zero
Your time's about to come
Let them know
You're not just anyone
(Scream...)

Your time's about to come

SCREAM 'till you feel it
SCREAM 'till you believe it
SCREAM and when it hurts you
Scream it out loud
SCREAM 'till you feel it
SCREAM 'till you believe it
SCREAM and when it hurts you
Scream it out loud
Shut up!

NO 'coz you feel it
NO 'coz you believe it
NO and when it hurts you
Scream it out loud
NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
Scream it out loud
SCREAM...!

2008-10-14T16:49:00.003+08:00

OKAY
i just HAD to come online to VENT
rarr
i am SO PISSED RIGHT NOW
why why WHY is she always so damn
OVERCRITICAL OF ME
yeah yeah yeah
i am selfish and self centred
and i dont know HOW to care for anyone else
BUT MYSELF
i never DO things to help people
F.Y.I i DO care about other people
and i AM there
for my friends at least
is it MY FAULT that the COTTON CANDY is so
damn dysfunctional
i am SORRY okay
but this is the way COTTON CANDY made me
but then again maybe thats why i treat
by best friends like COTTON CANDY
maybe its my subconscious yearning for
REAL COTTON CANDY
one that is BIG and.REAL
DONT pin everything on me
its not that i LIKE being like this
sometimes i hate myself for it
i hate alot of things
i hate the way i act sometimes
and the way i think
and i hate the secrets that i've had to carry
for as long as i can remember
sometimes i HATE the fact that i know
what i know
cause sometimes i think i'd be much better off
NOT KNOWING ANYTHING
ignorance is bliss
knowledge has screwed me up
inside out
and i know the impact
that all of this has had
on my emotional well being
i know that it will follow me to my grave
cause it will NEVER go away
OKAY
thats not the point
the point is that SHE
does not get to call me all those things
YES
okay
i do tend to screw up myt relationships
be it the boyfriends or the friends or WHATEVER
but at least
i UNDERSTAND
that relationships should be based ON LOVE
(i know she loves me dearly BUT
what about OTHER PEOPLE)
at least i dont believe that
people get married because of the sex
or that you do thing for the people you love
not JUST out of courtesy or not just because its the
right thing to do
but you do it
OUT OF LOVE
sighs
i dont know why i'm so pissed
blahh
maybe its all the stress
i am just sick of alwaysbeing put down
I AM NOT PERFECT
i KNOW
i have a million flaws
but you DONT have to magnify and
exaggerate them
sighs
maybe i am really a selfish person
incapable of caring bout anyone but myself
sighs
i see many long lonely years ahead

Im So Sick (Acoustic) (Bonus Track) - Flyleaf

i'm so sick

2008-10-13T10:21:00.003+08:00

it is COMING
the impending doom is getting to me
on thursday
after econs
i was SO PISSED
cause there is still stuff that
I AM NOT GETTING
i started freaking out
i was the first one out of class
and the whole way home
my mind was just a BIG MESS
i totally flipped
i LOST it
something just SNAPPED
first i was so angry
then i was so worried
and then i was upset
i just couldnt calm down
i got home and i was pacing my room
i couldnt sit still
TOTAL CHAOS IN MY HEAD
then my shuffle started playing
hillsong's never let me go
i actually took out my bible
and i opened it to a random page
it was a psalm about how
god will provide
and how he will take care of you
and never abandon you
so i closed it and opened it to a random page again
and it opened to a passage that carried the SAME MESSAGE
and just to be sure
i closed it
and opened it again
SAME THING
and i just cried and cried and cried
cause i know
i do not deserve his unfailing love
in my weakest moments he has never failed
to take my hand and give me strength and provide comfort
and i am a terrible person for constantly forgetting that

In the shadows; My spirit weak
Love broke through the darkness and lifted me
And I know you'll never let me go

In the storm in the raging sea
Love conquered the fear and delivered me
And I know you'll never let me go

Oh love in the shadows
Be the light who leads me on
You're love I will follow
Be my guide, You're will be done
Oh Lord

In the arms of the One unseen
Love carried the cross that was meant for me
And I know you'll never let me go

Oh love in the shadows
Be the light who leads me on
You're love I will follow
Be my guide, You're will be done

Oh Lord I surrender, now forever I'll be loved
In the love of the Father, You are faithful You are strong
So hold me now, hold me now, hold me now

Nothing in this life has walked these streets
Love opened my eyes show me what You see
And I know I'll never let You go

Never Let Me Go - United

2008-10-08T01:45:00.001+08:00

AHH!!!
its COMINGG
the beginning of THE END
rarrr
i get these crazy panic attacks
everyone once in a while
i totally freak out
like OMG NOT READY
so dont want this to come
but aye
are any of us EVER ready for it
blah
life's a bitch sometimes

2008-09-29T13:09:00.002+08:00

i miss being young and innocent
i miss not being afraid
death never used to frighten me
but the older i get
the more the reality of death frightens me
its not so much that i am afraid of dying
(i mean I AM)
but i think i'm more afraid of losing
the people i love
death is a necessary part of life
it takes maturity to understand that
i get it
but
i dont think i will ever be ready
to let go of the people i love
it scares me that sooner or later
i wont have a choice
and that one by one
they will go
eventually
damn it
WHY AM I SO MORBID

2008-09-26T12:08:00.004+08:00

she sits in her corner
watches him go through his usual routine
he is distant
she wants to ask him how his day was
but she doesnt
she feels guilty for not caring
but then she realises
why should she?
this man
although he has known all her life
still remains a stranger to her
her anger begins to grow
for all the times he wasnt there
for all the wasted oppourtunities
for the lives he could have saved
if only he had tried
she tries to put herself in his shoes
and after thinking long and hard
her anger fades
only to be replaced by pity
because she knows
that the greatest gift of all
is to love
and to be loved
he could have everything else
he could possibly want
but this he will never know
and this he will never understand
because he will never be able
to see beyond his own needs
and his own wants

she sits in her corner
watches him walk away
and she knows for certain
some things will never change

2008-09-26T12:06:00.001+08:00

What Alicianicolepeter Means

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.

You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.

Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.

You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.

A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.

You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.

You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.

You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.

At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.

You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.

At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are influential and persuasive. You tend to have a lot of power over people.

Generally, you use your powers for good. You excel at solving other people's problems.

Occasionally, you do get a little selfish and persuade people to do things that are only in your interest.

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.

You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.

You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.

You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.

You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

2008-09-24T12:13:00.001+08:00

i did serena's colourgenics test!
haha
HMMM.
i wouldnt say its entirely true!
but
HMM.

You are in a state of constant expectation and want interesting and exciting things to happen to you. But in fact, you are a 'Walter Mitty' at times - a dreamer - over-imaginative and often given to fantasy or day-dreaming. There is nothing wrong in 'dreaming' - how boring life would be if one just followed the doctrines of everyday life - but one must not continue leading a life of continuous fantasy. You need to face reality in spite of all its possible shortcomings.

Being a likeable person you get on well with neighbours and friends. You don't need anything to 'Rock your boat'. You want to 'love' and to be loved'.

You lack confidence and that is a great pity because deep down you are indeed a warm caring person. This lack of confidence is making you wary of being drawn into any open discussion or conflict and so you feel as if you should let matters lie and leave well alone. But there may be a pleasant surprise in store for you. You are beginning to grow and very soon - sooner than you believed possible - this warm loving new you will be available for all to see and to appreciate.

You are an emotional, sincere and impressionable individual experiencing frustration and unnecessary stress. You vehemently resist any form of pressure from outside sources, insisting on your independence as an individual. You want to be a decision maker - to make up your own mind without interference. You wish to be able to draw your own conclusions and arrive at your own decisions. You detest uniformity and mediocrity as you want to be regarded as one who gives authoritative opinions. Your favourite expression could well be that 'I may not always be right but I am never wrong'. You're a perfectionist and even though you may feel that the other person's point of view may be right, you find it extremely difficult to admit that you could be wrong.

You are greatly impressed by individuality and have interest in people who have outstanding qualities. You try to imitate those people that you admire and their characteristics, hoping that you will be able to display similar qualities in your own personality.

2008-09-24T11:52:00.002+08:00

on a totally unrelated note
lunch with sam and manda a couple of weeks back was GREAT
(i miss the girls)
and lunch with serena and pet yest was FAB
it doesnt matter where we go or what we eat
it is ALWAYS good to spend time with you guys
PET!a little longer and i will go MEGA SHOPPING WITH YOU KKK
and omg
I AM DEPRESSED
when serena and i were coming back
this lady
who came out of nowhere
handed me this weight loss programme flier
and she looked at me LIKE A NEEDED IT
okay like WHOA
i know i put on SOME WEIGHT
but I AM THAT FAT that i've got people
trying to convince me to get on some slimming programme!
*SOBS
i have GOT to start working out again!
haha

2008-09-24T11:30:00.003+08:00

whatcha think about that - pussycatdolls feat missy elliot

So if your dude aint actin right,
you tell that dude he got to go,
If that dude be clamin that he broke,
you tell that dude he got to go
If he wants you to stay in the house everyday and night,
you tell that dude he got to go
If he wants to run the streets,
Then you run the streets to and you tell him he got to go

Baby, Baby somebody’s gonna cry tonight,
Baby (baby), Baby (baby), but it won’t be my tears tonight
(Lets go!)
So whatcha think about that,
whatcha think about it,
So whatcha think about that, that, that (oh baby)

Tonight we’re gonna switch up,
I’ll do you, you do me,
Tonight your gonna stay home while I run the streets

What do you, what do you, what do you, what do you think about that baby,
What do you, what do you, what do you, what do you think about that?

Baby!, Imma let you play my part,
So you can feel a broken heart,
Let me just talk, make sure that you call
So I can say it

Baby, Baby somebody’s gonna cry tonight,
Baby (baby), Baby (baby), but it won’t be my tears tonight
So whatcha think about that,
whatcha think about it,
So whatcha think about that, that, that (oh baby)

Tonight your gonna call me a thousand times,
Tonight I’mma make up a thousand lies

How do you, How do you, How do you, How do you feel about that baby,
How do you, How do you, How do you, How do you feel about that?

Baby, Imma let you play my part,
So you can feel a broken heart,
Let me just talk, make sure that you call
So I can say it!

Baby, Baby somebody’s gonna cry tonight (that’s right),
Baby (baby), Baby (baby), but it won’t be my tears tonight, oh

So whatcha think about that, (oh)
whatcha think about it, (oh)
So whatcha think about that, that, that (oh baby)

Missy:
Okay!
Hol up, whatchu think about that,
You wear the dress and I put on your slacks,
Tonight I’m goin out and ain’t comin back,
You ain’t gonna get no more pussycat,
See me in the club I’m out with my girls,
Do like you do when your out with your goods,
Up in the club its just me and my girls
Play like Katy Perry kissin on girls,
Now you can’t eat or sleep,
And now you in the house thinking about me,
And now I do what you do to me,
And now I love to see you weeping

Baby, Baby (baby) somebody’s gonna cry tonight (somebody’s gonna cry to tonight)
Baby (baby), Baby (baby), but it won’t be my tears tonight, oh

So whatcha think about that, (oh)
whatcha think about it, (tell me)
So whatcha think about that, that, that (oh baby)

So if your dude aint actin right,
you tell that dude he got to go,
If that dude be clamin that he broke,
you tell that dude he got to go
If he wants you to stay in the house everyday and night,
you tell that dude he got to go
If he wants to run the streets,
Then you run the streets to and you tell him he got to go

(baby, baby)
oh baby, somebody gonna cry tonight, oh, somebody gonna cry tonight

alicia's stupidity has reached new heights
WHAT A SURPRISE
haha
i've been thinking
bout things
and i think its amazing
that he had to say what he said
to remind me
that essentially
the only reason he was going out with me
was because he thought i was hot
everything else that was good about us
was just extras to him
this was never what i wanted
and that was never the way it was supposed to be
i let him BUY me over
with all the fancy presents and suprises and
all the awesome stuff he did
(i mean WHICH GIRL DOESNT WANT ALL OF THAT RIGHT)
but really
that was never the MOST important thing to me
so i guess
i asked for it
i deserve this
i got into something i should have never gotten into
suddenly i dont miss him so much anymore
and suddenly i dont feel the need to try to salvage whatever's left of it

baby you got to go

2008-09-22T11:24:00.002+08:00

i realised
marian is right
its all excuses
its time to LET GO
you just keep telling yourself
that you dont care
and i'll do the same
we'll sing this lie that's halfway mine
sooner or later i'll start believing it
its only a matter of time

You and I got something
But it's all then it's nothing to me
yah
I got my defenses
When it comes to your intentions to me
yah
And we wake up in the breakdown
In the things we never thought we could be
yah

I'm not the one who broke you
I'm not the one you should fear
We've got to move you darling
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all

And I want to get free
Talk to me
I can fear you falling
And I won't tempt to be
All you need
Somehow here is gone

I am no solution
To this sound of dispollution in me
yah
And I was not the answer so forget you if ever thought it was me
yah

I'm not the one who broke you
I'm not the one you should fear
We've got to move you darling
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all

And I want to get free
Talk to me
I can fear you falling
And I won't tempt to be
All you need
Somehow here is gone

And I don't need a fall out
Of all the past that's here between us
And I'm not holding on
And all your lies weren't enough to keep me here

And I want to get free
Talk to me
I can fear you falling
And I won't tempt to be
All you need
Somehow here is gone
And I want to get free
Talk to me
I can fear you falling

I know it's out there
I know it's out there
I can fear you falling
I know it's out there
I know it's out there
Somehow here is gone
I know it's out there
I know it's out there
Somehow here is gone

Here Is Gone - Goo goo Dolls

2008-09-19T11:18:00.004+08:00

today's topic for discussion:
boys who hate girls who are after their money
and YET think its absolutely okay to
go after a rich girl so that they
can spend her money

OKAY
if you are a guy
and you think
LIKE THAT
you're probably going to hate me
after what i have to say
but WHO CARES
haha

call me your stereotypical girl or
whatever else
but honestly
i do believe it is the guys job to take care of the girl
NO
i have never ever dated a guy just for his money
i dont like it when he spends excessive amounts of money on me
BUT i do expect him to take me out and treat me
once in a while
ESP on special occasions
and i KNOW for a fact
that most guys dont have a problem with it
i think if a guy really loves a girl
he would WANT to take care of her
IF the guy is good to her
the girl wont expect anything more than whats she's getting
cause she'll be satisfied with what she has
cause after all.the MONEY is not the main focus here
(WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THE AVERAGE GIRL HERE
not the GOLD DIGGERS)
i just dont understand guys like that
when you're in a relationship
with someone you really care about
you dont pinch pennies
ESP WHEN YOUR FREAKING RICH
i think it IS the guy's responsibility to
take care of the girl
the girl returns the favour in others ways
you know like
EMOTIONAL SUPPORT
and stuff like that
you just
YOU CANT QUANTIFY LOVE
you cant split it 50-50
there's no WAY you can do it
you destroy the essence of love
its all about sharing
and besides
the way a guy treats his girlfriend
i think it is a very accurate reflection
of his character
i've seen so many women
hook up with guys like that
or worse
MARRY THEM
they spend the rest of their lives breaking their backs
trying to support the rest of the family
cause the stupid man STILL has not learnt that
it is HIS RESPONSIBILTY to take care of the
people he loves
call me whatever you want
but i KNOW the importance of having a guy
that WILL take care of you
and trust me
it is HELL IMPORTANT
and honestly.
the fact that guys like this exist?
i blame it on the silly girls that date them
and waste their money on them
and LET them eat all their money up
THEY are the ones that are spoiling the boys
oh YES and one more thing i have to say
if a guys uses his money to entice a girl
and to get her to go out with him
does it not mean that he loses the RIGHT
to complain when he has to spend money on her
WHEN they get together
urghh
some boys piss me off sometimes

rarr
this is just a very touchy subject for me
I HAVE MY REASONS
haha
OKAY feel free to counter argue
but you wont change my views
HAHA (:

2008-09-10T10:57:00.003+08:00

you know
the harder people try to convince me
that god doesnt exist
the tighter i hold on to my faith
i am NOT the best catholic
FAR FROM PREFECT
but the one thing that will
absolutely never change is that
I LOVE HIM
even though
sometimes
i forget him
i ignore him
and i continue to hurt him
cause of the bad choices i make
he has never abandoned me
and i will never
stop believing in him

Perfect - Flyleaf

Sick of circling the same road
Sick of bearing the guilt
So open the windows to cool off
And heat pours in instead

Perfect in weakness
I'm only perfect in just your strength alone

All my efforts to clean me
Leave me putrid and filthy
And how can you look at me
When I can't stand myself

I'm tired to be honest
I'm nobody

Perfect in weakness
I'm only perfect in just your strength alone

Perfect in weakness
I'm only running in just your strength alone

I tried to kill you
You tried to save me

You save me
You save me
You save me
You save me

Perfect in weakness
I'm only perfect in just your strength alone

Perfect in weakness
I'm only running in just your strength alone